So, I decided I might be evil.
Yesterday I went online and found some article I felt strongly about, and posted a nasty comment about it. When I got attacked by an upset reader, I fought back with more nastiness and was mad the rest of the day. I can't tell you how many times I thought about going back on and cursing out those idiots. Those fools, those lemmings. They just say whatever diarrhea comes out of their pea-sized brains and...
You see what I mean? I might be evil.
I thought about it hard last night and this morning. I don't want to be evil. I hate evil people. I hate people who insult others for no reason, who say stuff without thinking how it might affect others, who lord themselves over others without any regard to what they are actually doing. All my life I've tried and tried to be civil and sweet to others, while the whole time they just crap on my soul without any provocation whatsoever. Those bastards!
And that's when I realized how understandable evil really is.
Why does anyone ever become evil, except to try to reconcile the unfortunate crap that's happened to them? I mean as Americans, we've been raised with this ignorant view that evil people are just purely evil, that they just want to make people suffer because it's entertaining and have nothing better to do. But if you actually do your research, you will find that real evil people are always motivated by something very deep, something that matters to all human beings and that pretty much everyone can understand at some level.
Except for Vlad the Impaler. That poor dude was just ill.
Lots of modern Japanese literature has the insight to present the motivations of the evil parties as relatable issues for the viewer. For example in Naruto, almost every evil person has some historical event or series of events that drove them to become what they are. Those events usually involve the loss of family or friends, betrayal, poverty, violence, feelings of helplessness, jealousy, anger, and sadness. Most of the bad guys become evil as a way to undo or avenge the things that happened in the past, or as a sort of retroactive way of asserting their strength and authority after bearing so many years of pain at the hands of others. American literature doesn't show this very much, but you do see it in the development of Anakin Skywalkter; he becomes Darth Vader as a result of ostracism and infidelity by his own friends and mentors.
Why am I citing fantasy stories as evidence for truth? Because it IS true. Ask any person that's ever been a bully, they will tell you that they were plagued by anger and strife at home. Research shows that people who abuse their spouses and children usually got abused themselves when they were young. It's a fact: evil begets evil. People treat others like shit, and they go and treat others like shit. It's a pecking order, and the only loser is the one at the very bottom.
Please understand I am not condoning evil acts here. But it's worth understanding the motivations behind evil as a way of preventing it in the first place. I for one have developed evil thoughts and ideas as a result of a long life of abuse, ridicule, and misunderstanding by my family and friends. I harbor deep anger with many people, known and unknown, for committing certain acts of insensitivity, and as a result I now have the urge to hurt and berate others at every chance I get.
Is it fair? Absolutely. Is it right? Of course not.
I wonder what happens to people who exercise their evil feelings as children, versus those who harbor them for years and exact their revenge as adults. As far as I know, those who have been bullies as children grow up to be perfectly respected, intelligent, successful adults. And as far as I know, those who just sat and let themselves get bullied grow up to be twisted, angry, depressed and anxious. I wonder if by exerting our evil urges as children, we learn to come to grips with them and control them by the time we reach adulthood. Maybe, just like "playing house" and "playing cowboys and indians," we have to practice the social skills, contextual reactions, and emotional restraint involved in evil acts in order to develop in a healthy manner. All things considered, maybe childhood bullies have had the right idea all along.
I for one would definately trade the angry soul I have now for a childhood of bullying others. Maybe then I wouldn't be suicidal as an adult.