License to Parent

The Virtues of Evil

So, I decided I might be evil.

Yesterday I went online and found some article I felt strongly about, and posted a nasty comment about it.  When I got attacked by an upset reader, I fought back with more nastiness and was mad the rest of the day.  I can't tell you how many times I thought about going back on and cursing out those idiots.  Those fools, those lemmings.  They just say whatever diarrhea comes out of their pea-sized brains and...

You see what I mean?  I might be evil.

I thought about it hard last night and this morning.  I don't want to be evil.  I hate evil people.  I hate people who insult others for no reason, who say stuff without thinking how it might affect others, who lord themselves over others without any regard to what they are actually doing.  All my life I've tried and tried to be civil and sweet to others, while the whole time they just crap on my soul without any provocation whatsoever.  Those bastards! 

And that's when I realized how understandable evil really is.

Why does anyone ever become evil, except to try to reconcile the unfortunate crap that's happened to them?  I mean as Americans, we've been raised with this ignorant view that evil people are just purely evil, that they just want to make people suffer because it's entertaining and have nothing better to do.  But if you actually do your research, you will find that real evil people are always motivated by something very deep, something that matters to all human beings and that pretty much everyone can understand at some level.

Except for Vlad the Impaler.  That poor dude was just ill.

Lots of modern Japanese literature has the insight to present the motivations of the evil parties as relatable issues for the viewer.  For example in Naruto, almost every evil person has some historical event or series of events that drove them to become what they are.  Those events usually involve the loss of family or friends, betrayal, poverty, violence, feelings of helplessness, jealousy, anger, and sadness.  Most of the bad guys become evil as a way to undo or avenge the things that happened in the past, or as a sort of retroactive way of asserting their strength and authority after bearing so many years of pain at the hands of others.  American literature doesn't show this very much, but you do see it in the development of Anakin Skywalkter; he becomes Darth Vader as a result of ostracism and infidelity by his own friends and mentors.

Why am I citing fantasy stories as evidence for truth?  Because it IS true.  Ask any person that's ever been a bully, they will tell you that they were plagued by anger and strife at home.  Research shows that people who abuse their spouses and children usually got abused themselves when they were young.  It's a fact: evil begets evil.  People treat others like shit, and they go and treat others like shit.  It's a pecking order, and the only loser is the one at the very bottom.

Please understand I am not condoning evil acts here.  But it's worth understanding the motivations behind evil as a way of preventing it in the first place.  I for one have developed evil thoughts and ideas as a result of a long life of abuse, ridicule, and misunderstanding by my family and friends.  I harbor deep anger with many people, known and unknown, for committing certain acts of insensitivity, and as a result I now have the urge to hurt and berate others at every chance I get.

Is it fair?  Absolutely.  Is it right?  Of course not.

I wonder what happens to people who exercise their evil feelings as children, versus those who harbor them for years and exact their revenge as adults.  As far as I know, those who have been bullies as children grow up to be perfectly respected, intelligent, successful adults.  And as far as I know, those who just sat and let themselves get bullied grow up to be twisted, angry, depressed and anxious.  I wonder if by exerting our evil urges as children, we learn to come to grips with them and control them by the time we reach adulthood.  Maybe, just like "playing house" and "playing cowboys and indians," we have to practice the social skills, contextual reactions, and emotional restraint involved in evil acts in order to develop in a healthy manner.  All things considered, maybe childhood bullies have had the right idea all along.

I for one would definately trade the angry soul I have now for a childhood of bullying others.  Maybe then I wouldn't be suicidal as an adult. 

Miki Misses the Mark

Okay normally I try not to judge people by their names.  But when I read that the idiot who raised this poor Sydney chick to think she can whore herself out in a high school yearbook was named Miki, I was like... Great.  Here we go.

This is just a damn shame.

So this poor Sydney chick takes a racy photo of herself with a "please screw me now" look on her face, and expects her high school to publish it in their yearbook.  THEIR yearbook.  You know, the one that every other student has to pay a lot of money for and take home with them and keep for the rest of their lives.  And hopefully not keep it under their pillow.

And of course the student editors - the STUDENT editors - do the right thing and say, "No, sorry sweetie, you can't use our award-winning yearbook as your own personal Playboy magazine.  Do that somewhere else."

Now, where Miki (Sydney's mother) missed the mark was in several places here.  First of all she raised her kid to think it's okay to whore herself out.  Well with a name like Miki Spies I'm sure it wasn't hard to learn that.  But the other mistake was allowing her daughter to believe she actually had a case against the school.

First of all, it wasn't even the school administration who disallowed the picture.  It was the students.  Who probably know all about Sydney's activities anyway and don't feel like advertising them in the yearbook.  But Sydney and her mother try to make this a civil rights issue.  This poor ignorant child actually has the idiocy to say she felt like she was being denied her "freedom of expression."

Hey, idiot!  If you want to express yourself, you can put up your nasty photos all over Facebook, ShapFish, WebShots, and a variety of free porn sites.  You can email them to your friends and plaster them in your bedroom and on your car.  But you don't get to wipe your nasty STD-ridden mug all over a nice classy high school yearbook that other students are paying for.

Really, this is a shame.  And Miki, for Christ's sake, learn to raise your kid.

Your best friend calls you and tells you he/she's really sick? How do you show you care?

Ask what I can do to help. Come over and make dinner? Take them to the hospital? Share a movie and make some tea? Or perhaps just listen to them whine and complain ;)

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Cute Quotes Don't Prevent Suicide.

So, I just "liked" the Stop Teen Suicide group on Facebook, because I was sick of being inundated with everyone else's concerns and wanted to hear a little about mine.  Now I get inundated by inspirational quotes from Stop Teen Suicide, which apparently are supposed to help stop teen suicide.  And it really shows how much these self-proclaimed humanitarians don't understand about suicide in general.

Suicide involves a state of mind.  A really specific, engrossed, obsessed state of mind that cannot be cracked or broken by a few words of kindness.  Sometimes a phone call or deep conversation can stem the urge to hurt oneself, but the obsession is still there and will continue to remain until real help is found.  A person doesn't just hold a gun to their head, or a knife to their wrist, unless they are really, truly sick and fully convinced that death is the only way out of their pain.  Even if it is their first attempt at suicide, it is probably not the first time they have concieved or planned the idea.  Suicide is really just the end product of a long - LONG - chain of events, non-events, and twisted thought processes on the part of the victim. 

If inspirational quotes were really that helpful, we wouldn't have nearly so many parents burying their children.

Suicide is not rational.  It is not an idea that can be argued.  It's not like, "Oh, I thought potato chips were good for me, but then I found out they were unhealthy, and I stopped eating them."  No.  When you are suicidal, you are simply suicidal.  There is a little voice in the back of your mind saying, "Wait - you might wanna reconsider, because this could be a mistake."  But in general you feel like you have no other choice.  You don't care about your self-respect.  You don't care about your future.  You don't care about your friends or family, because you are under the impression that they don't care about you.  If they are insightful enough to try to intervene, you can barely hear or process what they are saying.  Everything is a blur.  Nothing makes sense except for the feeling that you are totally worthless and would be better off dead.

People who are suicidal do not tell anybody how they feel because they do not want to be judged.  They don't want anyone to think they are disturbed, or crazy, or weird.  They don't want to admit they are in pain because they don't want any sympathy.  They doubt that anyone will understand.  And usually they are proven right, because if they do reveal their feelings, all they get is an emotionally charged lecture on the virtues of staying alive.  The lecturer has no idea that the victim doesn't care about life at all.

I remember when I finally got up the courage to tell my Mom I had been hitting myself.  For years.  And she freaked out, and cried, and blamed me for being selfish and not considering her feelings for me.

"Thanks, Mom.  If I wasn't planning on killing myself before, I certainly am now!"

My Mom totally missed the point that I had a long-term illness.  She wanted me to leave my college roommate, as if that would solve the problem.  She didn't listen to the fact that I had been hitting msyelf for many years while living right under her nose.  She couldn't stand the idea that her own child was screwed up and she had been totally clueless.  She couldn't face the responsibility of that fact.  And even in my warped state of sanity, I was still able to think, "Really, Mom.  This is quite a shame."

Look, I am all for preventing suicide.  But the first thing to do is make a person feel comfortable in sharing their thoughts.  Shoving mindless quotes from famous people down a teenager's throat is not going to work in the long term.  People who are suicidal are very introspective and have somehow thought themselves into a very complicated box.  One little quote is not going to lead them out, and you insult their intelligence by assuming it will.  Once that's done, the victim does not trust you to listen anymore.  They think they are alone, and you have just assured them that they are.

So please, quit with the cute quotes and take some time to understand.